This is precisely why I advise anyone looking for a therapist who's in or was in an abusive relationship and demonstrates codependent tendencies to steer clear of therapists who haven't any personal experience with either narcissistic abuse or codependency. Your tough love approach is condescending in a manner that shows you have zero capacity to fully appreciate the nuances of the psyche of these clients.

That is so awesome for you that you can see "baloney" and have "zero-tolerance" for it, but how in the hell is that supposed to be addressing your client's trauma and the repercussions of the initial childhood trauma that would have caused their issues in the first place?

Your list of "why humans do this" (tolerating shitty, abusive behavior) only scratches the surface, indicating to me you really have no concept of what you're dealing with. Of course there is a low self-esteem, lack of confidence, unhealthy attachment, etc., but what's important, that you don't seem to be grasping, is that what needs to be addressed is what's caused those 6 reasons. A person must come to terms with the trauma, abuse, and dysfunctional parenting that caused those six issues (and more) and take back their power by realizing that blaming their parents or abusers means they give up full control of their own lives.

THAT, is where they need to take responsibility, in an empowering way, in a way that teaches them that they have they power to change their lives through compassion for themselves,--not just a "to hell with the assholes" attitude--that can be used to build up their self-esteem and lack of confidence and all the rest.

You, however, are advocating they spontaneously heal through your bullying them into it. You're suggesting that they should be able to push through the guilt, shame and embarrassment they feel as if it were simply dust to brush off their coat and not the very devastation of those feelings that drives their behavior. You pointing out to them they'd be an idiot to not just be healed of a lifetime of complex traumas is recklessly naive at best.

Your article demonstrates a callousness that suggests that your clients suffering the cPTSD that has lead to people-pleasing and tolerance of abuse, would be much better served if you referred them to a therapist who has pulled themselves through the long, topsy-turvy and deeply convoluted process of healing the deeper wounds typical in these cases, of which you seem to have no concept.

For their sake, I really wish you would.